Good morning!
Sorry for my absence the last couple of days. It's been a couple of very stressful days - the usual crap - and not exactly days with a whole lot of proud moments.
Friday and Saturday I over-ate badly, and seeing how the scale just went up and up and up, I decided to put a stop to it. Those numbers were just screaming in my face - and I realized that I had to do something more drastic, but (obviously) accomplishable.
I'm back at drawing the line in the sand, once again.
I don't know how many lines I have drawn this year. A lot. But I gotta keep drawing them until I don't need them.
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So, yesterday I had enough. Again. I had over-eaten all of Saturday. Pizza, candy. Junk. I felt like I had eaten all the food in the world. Continents are now running low on sugar because of me.
No more.
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So, yesterday I decided to go a slightly different route. I added a little extra motivation and commitment, and I'm gonna do it here too.
I went to the IIFYM-facebook page, and posted a "new" set of before pictures - pictures taken yesterday. I stated my goal of reaching a body fat percentage of 10. With it, I also posted a picture from my morbidly obese days.
Wow.
This morning, 90 persons had "Liked" my pics, and I got an ARMY of encouragement, just like I see it here on Fatsecret. I had so many great comments along with them, it was mind blowing.
I have to say I truly felt accepted for what I have accomplished so far. I felt encouraged to do better, to do more. I felt that I can do this last bit, and that it really just is a small bit.
I know what I need to be doing, and I know how to do it. What I suck at lately has been applying all the things that I know.
It feels like it changed something in my perspective to hear from these people too. A LOT of them are very very focused on strength training and body building. A lot of them are in ridiculously good shape. A lot of them are cheering me on to reach some of those levels.
I know I will never get the super fit look. My skin is simply too loose for that. But it doesn't mean I can't have the lean look and feel.
Like one said, "Wear the loose skin as a badge of your past, not as a ghost of what was but as a reminder of what will never be again." I love that thought.
What was also interesting was to see a handful of fatsecreteers there in the comments. It's great to see familiar faces!
This whole experience was SO motivational. It really made me want to focus, and it really pushed me forward.
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Yesterday was my "first day".
I'm basically doing what I normally do, but withouth straying from my plan. LOL. Yup, that'll make a HUGE difference. :)
I go with two numbers on my calorie intake.
The max allowance, like we all have when we lose weight. This number is based on my calorie burn and my weight loss goals.
The other number is the MINIMUM calories required for me to not lose muscle. I do NOT want to lose muscle. This means that a weight loss journey can only happen so fast. I can't speed things up ridiculously.
If I work out harder then usual, then I need to compensate in my calorie intake.
Right now I can take an a calorie deficit hit of approx 900, meaning I can consume 2100 calories if I burn 3000, 1900 if I burn 2800, etc. I can't go lower than that. That's a good thing. I won't be hungry, when I play my cards right. Ever.
Of course I will also make sure my macros are right, and eat according to IIFYM. I'm already planning today's meals, but nothing is set in stone just yet. I will make sure it's all set before I leave the house, so I can shop and do right.
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I have to say this time feels a little different. I feel stronger in my determination on doing this. I want to finish it. I want to be where I need to be.
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Another thing...
I am supposed to be doing a follow up with my surgeon this coming Friday. Frankly, I'm embarrased. I do NOT want to go, and I very well might call and cancel it.
I don't want to be there at this weight. I feel like I completely let go (which I did) after surgery, with all the stress and whatnot. Not good.
I'm considering pushing the meeting a few weeks.
Basically, it's just a matter of seeing that everything has settled right, and that I am healing as I should.
I have healed perfectly. There is absolutely no issues anywhere. The only issue is that I am overweight.
It's not overweight to the point where I have put my surgery results in jeopardy, at least. It's just too much fat and fluid, but nothing that can't bounce back to how it was.
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When I think about it, it sometimes makes me feel very shallow. It makes me feel like I don't appreciate all that I HAVE accomplished. This is obviously not the case.
However, I have always been the type that doesn't dwell in the past. I look forward.
This means that I will probably always look at the few kilos ahead of me, instead of the many kilos behind me. It's just the way I am. I want those gone.
Of course I know that what I have accomplished already is HUGE. It's something that not many get to do. But they aren't bugging me. They're done. It's the work ahead that needs my focus.
I know it isn't even hard to do. I've done it before, several times. Once I am in the right mindset and the right zone, it's just a matter of doing it.
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So, I'm doing it. Starting yesterday.
Yesterday was perfect accomplishment. I did exactly as I had planned.
I will do this again today.
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Before I leave, I wanted to also share the pictures that I posted on the Facebook page.
Wife took them. I have to say I was surprised, especially at the back picture. I can clearly see that there is room for improvement, but I had no idea how muscular I have become, after all.
I never really see myself in that light. I probably tend to look at the scale and the numbers a lot more than I look in the mirror.
This also tells me to be happy with what I have, and just take my time to improve what I already have. I have no real rush, but I have to have the focus.
I want a speedy weight loss to get to the point where I can live without the larger calorie deficit, and where I feel lighter on my toes. Life is just easier there.
Other than that, I am in no hurry to lose the weight.
I'm aiming for 1 lb per week, not counting the many lbs that will drop initially. I know a lot will drop, as it got on fast, and not everything is fat.
I'm MANY liters of fluid heavier today than I was just a few days ago.
Seeing those two pictures put some things in perspective for me, for sure. I had no idea that I actually had muscle tone like this.
It might not be "body builder worthy", but for little ol' me, it's pretty damn cool. :)
This give me the feeling of accomplishment, and really tells me that the rest of the journey will SO be worth it.
Here we go:
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Today, I'm thankful for:
- Focus!
- A weekend with more sleep. Sadly not much of that last night, though.
- Morning coffee.
- Wife!
I will be back tomorrow. Focused and on track. Guaranteed. :)
Life is good.