WARNING:
IRATE RANT AND EXPLICIT LANGUAGE
Forgive me for not blogging much lately on here, I haven't had much to say. I haven't had much going on; have hit a MAJOR plateau. My weight fluctuates between 182 and 188. Can't seem to get below 182. I am pissed off at the world today. Two incidents involving my weight have been brought to my attention in just the past 24 hours.
FIRST INCIDENT:
Yesterday, I was at work and this older man who comes in regularly and is known for pissing people off made a smart-ass comment to me. At work we have a dog who is so so so hyper that I will take a golf cart in the mornings and drive around and he will run and chase me, so I get him to run off a lot of his energy. This "gentleman" said to me and everyone else in the pro shop "Sarah needs to let the dog on the cart and let him drive around and her run around"...pissed me off SO DAMN BAD! UGH!!! That is NOT something you say to someone who has worked their ASS off to lose 120 pounds in just a little over a year. And he KNOWS where I was a year ago. I said to him "Mr. Ray, it really saddens me when a man as old as yourself doesn't know right from wrong" and just walked out. I had to be polite, but what I wanted to say was "FUCK YOU, BUDDY. GO TO HELL!"...yeah a little strong I know. But what right does he have to sit there and try to bring me down when I finally feel a little good about myself??
SECOND INCIDENT:
Not nearly as bad, just pissed me off because I'm still upset about yesterday. This morning another older gentleman just came in and asked me if I am still on my diet. I said "yes but after losing 120 pounds I'm not losing as quickly as I used to"..he went on to tell me I need to exercise. I told him I do exercise. He just continued telling me what I NEED to do! MISTER! IVE LOST 120 POUNDS! I KNOW WHAT I NEED TO DO! I KNOW HOW TO LOSE WEIGHT! I DO NOT NEED YOU (Who probably has never had a weight problem in his entire life) TO TELL ME WHAT I NEEEEEED TO DO! MIND YOUR OWN DAMN BUSINESS!
The thing is, I am still working hard to lose weight, but I have been fat my entire life. I am skinnier now than I have EVER been in my life. I am only 30 pounds over-weight now!! ISNT THAT FUCKING AMAZING?! WHY CANT PEOPLE JUST LET ME BE HAPPY AND DO WHAT I KNOW I NEED TO DO I will get to my goal weight eventually, but is it really a race? My body can only lose as fast as it wants to...I just makes me so mad. It hurts my feelings, why should my feelings be hurt when I've accomplished SO MUCH already...
Another small incident that was MEANT to not be bad but still hurt my feelings because I'm already so sensitive to it. Last night I was talking to my boyfriend about the first incident I mentioned. I stated "I'm fat" ...my boyfriend then said "you are not fat!" I then being a girl tricked him into a lose/lose statement by saying "Well I am probably the biggest girl you've been with" and he said "...well you're still not fat"
dot..dot..dot...
HE SHOULDNT HAVE SAID THAT! I wasnt mad at him but my feelings were again hurt. I know he was just being honest, I AM THE BIGGEST...but he should have lied and said "no baby i was with this WHALE of a bitch before you" or something like that...
Anyway. I am just going to keep on doing what I am doing...and if that doesnt start working soon I'll just become an anorexic