BekkaL85's Notizen, 19 Jul 11

BekkaL85, I saw your journal entry pop up and my heart really went out to you. The reason I am writing is because I just did some personal research on healthy (natural) family planningI've come across a few books on the subject that I thought might interest you. Of course, I don't know your whole story and perhaps you've tried the Billing's Method or others, but in case you haven't, I would encourage you to head to the library and see if you can get one of these books: The Ovulation Method: Natural Family Planning, by John J. Billings Taking Charge of Your Fertility: The Definitive Guide to Natural Birth Control, Pregnancy Achievement, and Reproductive Health, by Toni Weschler Honoring Our Cycles: A Natural Family Planning Workbook, by Katie Singer Women with stories like yours have had unbelievable success while getting to know their own personal ovulation cycle. I won't go into any gory details but I have to admit that I'm fascinated that it has such a high success rate (some studies show it can be more than 95% effective) without using any drugs. Good luck! Don't get discouraged and keep trying :) 

I think "Not a Shrub" has a point. It is upsetting, but perhaps the thing to help you get back on track is to start focusing on doing what is necessary to help both you and Michael be more able to start a family (physically of course, emotionally, you're there already!!). For me, if I ever want to have kids, I have to come off one of the medications I'm on. To come off the medication, I have to lose weight (not that the doctor has said a number of pounds I have to lose, but more is always better he says), so I'm working at it and then we'll see how it works in the end. I've always been goal oriented so knowing I am working towards a goal keeps me motivated. The other thing that keeps me sane is having another area of my life - which for me is work. I am amazing at my job, it gives me a lot of pride and allows me to feel good about myself, no matter my weight, or if I ever end up being able to have kids. You're an amazing person, I'm sure you have a similar aspect of your life that makes you happy and makes you realize you're awesome! Try to focus on that part of your life while you work on sorting the other part out that is making you sad. Sorry - I sound like Dear Abby, but hopefully it helps. 

Hun, I have never had this problem and probably never will as I do not plan on having kids but I do have a lot of friends who have had problems conceiving and I have been there to hold their hands when it talks weeks, months, years to conceive. Have you or Michael been tested to see if there is a problem there? If not maybe get tested and get that out in the open. If something comes up as a problem do not see it as an end, there are several ways that you can work around the issues, I had friends who were trying to conceive for 3 years than they found out that he had a low sperm count, once they found that out they were able to find ways to go around it and now have 2 very beautiful little boys. another friend was on her 19th month of trying and not having it happen she just quit trying (seriously quit and said fine than I will adopt) in my heart I know she really wanted to carry a baby and I was heart broken to hear her say she quit... but 3 months later she came into work and she told me she was about 2 months pregnant - the Dr. figured it was just her quitting and not doing the math and everything else and going with the flow (I know easier said than done) that was what worked for her. I wish I had some answers but I really don't, you are an amazing person and I know you are struggling with this, and perhaps getting some more of the weight off will help. I am sure you already have but do you participate in the TTC forums, and connect with other people that have similar problems on other sites? I know there are some really great forums out there with people going through this that may be able to give you some ideas, support and information that might help. ~hugs~ You are awesome, never forget that and NEVER ever think you are a failure for this.  

Oh and enjoy Mayhem fest.. I am very jealous about this. 

Reading your post actually brought tears to my eyes. It brought back so many memories of me 23 yrs ago. I agree with pixi to go to the doc and have some testing done, there may very well be a fertility issue with yourself or Micheal and this can be worked out to where you can still have children. I understand the feelings you are going through. When I was 19, I was having sever pains in my lower abdomen especially when I would walk it really was painful. I went to my reg. doc and he was no help, then I went to my normal yearly exam and explained this pain to my OBGYN whom had me go for an ultrasound. To make a long story short, my test came back good but my ultrasound was not. I had many small systs all over my ovaries. The doc said that I will never be able to have children on my own, I would have to take some form of fertilization and that my not work either. I would need to get and stay on birth control as this will help from me getting more systs. I went home crying all the way, and for the following several months I could cry at the drop of the hat or everytime I seen anyone with a lil one. To be honest, I felt less then a woman and even told my husband at the time that if he wanted to divorce me so he could find someone that could give him a child, I completely understood. We spent alot of time talking and just came to the conclusion that we could give a child a loving and caring home and we would adopt when ready. Once I came to the realization and didn't burden myself with all the stress I was doing to myself, I decided not to get on birth control and began to get back into the groove of life. Ironically, 8 months later I got pregnant. I went to a different OBGYN and had an ultrasound and I had showed a few systs. I don't know where all the systs went but I do know how the entire ordeal tore up my insides as well as my life but once I was able to firmly grasp things and think logically, releasing all the stress, I got pregnant and my son was born 9 months later. His father and I have been divorced for awhile and I have since remarried. My husband now never planned on having children but once we got together he started thinking really hard about having a child. I explained to him what I had gone through many years ago (22 yrs ago)and it may not be possible because of that and I was already in my 40's but we figured we would try anyways. Welp needless to say we now have a little girl. It took maybe a month from talk to conceive...I really wasn't expecting it so I didn't have it consume me and thats why I think it happened so fast. My neice as well spent almost 5yrs trying, was going from FL to NY to see a fertilization doc during this entire time. She spent alot of money and time but had no luck but once she decided to stop seeing the fertilization doc and release all the stress, she ended up pregnant. She now has 2 baby boys. She and I both firmly beleive that when we allowed the stress to overwelm us it did not allow our body to function normally/properly and once we realized that there was nothing we were able to do about it and put our motherhood in God's hands, we were blessed. I could happen to you as well. Also, in no way, shape or form think of being a failure, whether you are a mom to your own child or an adoptive child, a mom/dad is a very important job and that child needs your love and care more then anything. All I ask is to please, please, please do not allow it to consume you as that is not healthy for you in any way. Do some research, see the doc, check out forums dealing with these kinds of things as I can only tell you my experiences and be there if you need someone to talk too. :) God Bless  

Bekka, have you seen a doctor? It sounds like maybe you haven't. You really should. As mentioned here there are so many options out there these days. It might be something simple that can be taken care of. 

Bekka -- no, I haven't had this problem...but several of my closest friends have, and my heart goes out to you. One of my good friend co-authored a book in the "Dummies" series -- "Infertility for Dummies" is the current version (previously published as "Fertility for Dummies."). It's been very well reviewed on Amazon, and might be helpful to you in terms of understanding what questions to ask and how to move forward with the process. Meanwhile, I agree with others...make an appointment at the OB-GYN for you and with the urologist for your husband and see if that doesn't take some of the pressure off.  

Bekka, really you need to talk to your gynocologist about this so the proper tests for both you and your husband can be completed. You have to get to the root of the problem before you can try to solve for it. I am speaking from experience here and could go on and on about my specific experience, but that really doesn't help you out. Please arrange a visit to your gyno and explain your feelings. A fertility specialist referral from your gyno may result for you and Michael. God Bless and good luck to you both! ~Babs