sarah_cook2007's Notizen, 17 Feb 12

You may want to restrict your journal to FS buddies only  

Any feelings you have are valid.  

I don't think you're being silly, I do believe your privacy has been violated, and you can restrict your journal if you so choose. That being said, this is about HIM. His behavior to look you up, invade your privacy, etc., is about HIM. His lack of self esteem. His issues. Not yours. There is nothing wrong with you dating. Nothing wrong with you telling him you were out with a friend. And nothing wrong with you having weighed whatever you weighed, and now changing that thru whatever actions YOU choose to lower your weight! You are a beautiful young woman. And not the sum total of what you weigh. While it may make you feel insecure for a second... I wouldn't give it another thought. Everyone has a journey, and this is part of yours. One day, you won't weigh what you weigh today. You will be at your goal weight and this guy will be a distant memory. But you need not feel embarrassed or ashamed of who you are, or what you weigh, or who you date, or what you think or feel. And anyone.. including this guy who would try to make you feel 'less than' because of having the courage to change your life... bye bye! NEXT!!!! And I mean this from the bottom of my heart! This is exactly what I would tell my own daughter if she were in this situation. Life is too short to be worried or hung up on what other people think! Focus on you.. be the best YOU you can be, and let the chips fall where they may! Much Love. 

I think he is CREEPY. I would break it off, anyone who feels the need to invade your privacy like that is prob not someone you want to have alot to do with.  

*sigh* First Jsfantome you are amazing and what you said is just so true :-) Glad to konw there are people like you! Sarah, he did violate your privacy without a doubt. I understand being uncomfortable with him knowing your weight that is just being a woman! But even though you are embarrassed about your start weight it is part of who you are now. It made you who you are and even though whatever guy you end up with may never know your weight before or after you will end up sharing your journey in life. You have absolutley nothing to be ashamed of. You have a goal you are on your way to reaching weight wise but more than weight you continue to conqur goal after goal emotionally (and physically). Be proud of who you are, where you came from and where you are going :-) Oh but my advice would be set your journal private lol 

wow. you just made me want to go check my privacy settings. sometimes i overshare. not that i think anyone would stalk me like that. move on! 

Sarah, set your privacy settings to share weight and journal with buddies only. I used to share with all, but after breaking up with my ex I realized that he could also see my journal if he wants, so I changed the settings. I understand your feelings of being violated, but at the same time if you make things public, don't blame others for reading them. I do often "google" people (I always did it for guys I met online and was going to meet in person). And that's not because I want to violate their privacy, but rather because I assume that anything they make public online is not going to offend them when discovered by others. Also, your weight is your pride! Don't be ashamed of how much you weighted, be proud of how much you managed to lose and still keep losing. Anyone who truly cares about you will actually think more of you knowing what you achieved! I know I do look up to you for how consistent and determined you are. 

Thanks everyone. I will change my privacy settings, but I cant figure out where...can anyone help me out? 

click on My FatSecret at the top of the page. On the right hand side of the page, go to My Account. Down at the bottom it says Share My: Weight, Journal & Calendar. You can make your changes there, and test them by logging out and trying to see yourself. Also, your buddy name has your full name in it. Had it been cutie_pie2007 or something like that, it wouldn't have been so easy to find you.  

Yeah, I kicked myself for putting my real name in my username too, so that's why I chose to restrict my journal to buddies only... I think it's a good idea for you, especially since this guy found you so easily.. I totally understand that you feel violated - I wouldn't care if other people saw my diet calendar/weight/etc., but my journals are much more private... I hope you figured out the settings! 

Pm me if you have a problem, Sarah 

I think jsfantome hit it on the nail. It is more about him than you. He may have been caught off gaurd when he found out you were dating other guys and went off from that. I would not give anything he said too much thought since it most likely came out of anger. DO NOT be ashamed of who you are, ever! You are beautiful inside and out. You have shown us a side of you that is inspirational. You are motivated, determined and know how to stay the course. There aren't too many that can say that. Be proud of yourself, we are =) 

Yes jsfantome is so right...I didnt do anything wrong, I'm young I can date guys if I want to I was not in a relationship with him. The big kicker is...me and this guy only went on one date...ONE DATE! He is crazy. Helewis--thanks so much. It's set to buddys only now. This is a good thing. If i had this done a while ago I wouldnt have had the Ryan issue OR this issue!!!  

I have a couple of thoughts for on this. First, you should always assume that anything you post on the internet can be seen by everyone, including your friends, parents, employer, college rommate, that douchey stalker guy you went out with one time, etc. Nothing is anonymous, and nothing is secure. Be careful what you post, as it could potentially come back to bite you in the future. Technically, I don't think this guy has invaded your privacy, since this is a public forum, but he definitely sounds creepy, jealous, and possessive. Second, nothing you have posted on this particular forum, including your journals or weight, are anything to be embarrassed about. And, based on the situation you describe, nothing you have done is dishonest or wrong. Dating more than one person is just fine unless you are in a committed relationship, which you're not. If some guy wants to internet-stalk you and call you a liar after one date, I think you're much better off without him. After all, you don't seem to have any trouble finding dates, so I'm sure you'll catch a decent guy soon enough. 

Well said, danzarth. 

yeah Danzarth I agree for the most part but I do feel like my privacy was invaded a little bit...fatsecret isnt like facebook...its much more personal and about something i'm very sensitive about. If he was on the site a member already and just came across me and saw it on teh site--no that would be different... but he isnt even a fatsecret member. He saught out on here just to find it and look at all my personal information. I wouldnt have cared if it were on facebook. 

I'll agree with that. His actions were very weird and creepy, and say a lot about the quality of his character. I would call it a clear violation of trust, and certainly not the beginning of a healthy relationship. It would certainly have a different feel if he just happened to stumble across you on a site like this. Although, to be completely honest, I have at times been guilty of a little discrete snooping, if only out of curiosity. I have never been the jealous type, so I like to think that I would have handled the situation a little better than the gentleman in question, but who knows? In any case, I wouldn't waste any more time on this guy, and maybe he has sort of done you a favor regarding the whole privacy-settings thing. 

That's so weird! I absolutely agree about restricting to friends only.. I'm definitely going to do the same thing just because I think it's weird the site can be accessed without a membership. I wouldn't worry all too much about it, though, who cares if he knows how much you weigh/ed. You've come such a LONG way.. and the scale is just a number! One of the things that killed me when I lost 80 lbs a couple of years ago would be when people would say to me, "so how much do you weigh?" and I would say "120" - they'd be like "you look SOOOO much SMALLER!!!!" That was never a compliment and, unfortunately, being 19 at the time it just really ate at my self-esteem and made me feel like I had to beat the number instead of realizing that I was super skinny. Of course, now I dream of being that person again LOL! But either way - it really is just a number. I know for us women, especially, it's like asking your age, but it's something worth wearing with pride. You've lost so much weight, you look AMAZING! I must say - I've been guilty of google searching a new guy to figure out if he was worth my time (as a girl, I think that it's pretty important not to get yourself in trouble!) but the fact that this guy snoops into your life & then has the nerve to say that you're "dating too many guys" is alarming - he's stalking your life on FS and really thinks he has the right to bring up anything he read? Helloooo Mr. Creeper, you guys aren't married or even serious!!! so backkkk offff.