|
I am not sure why I am even joined this site. Maybe to kick start my mind into trying AGAIN to get back the body I once had in high school? No, in high school I was called terrible names, like 'toothpick', 'twiggy', and my favorit, 'skeletor'. I never want to cry myself asleep again because of the cruelty of others.
I really could care less about loosing weight. I admit to being a bit (about 20 pounds) on the heavy site but controling the weight is not a issue with me. I am 5 foot 10 inches tall so I can carry a bit of weight and not really turn an eye when I am rarely seen in public.
It's the shape of my body that has me turning away from the mirrors and wanting to hide in the dark when my husband wishes to be intimate with me. Although Master (my husband) always wants to be intimate, so my brain is telling me that he must still find me attractive but the mirror tells me that he must be crazy or really hard-up to want me. Gees, if I were a man there is no way that I would ever want to have sex with someone that looked like me.
I have a really big belly (looking about 6 to 7 months pregnant) with tiny little arms and legs. A lot of my problem is stress. I also have high blood pressure so high that my dentist refuses to fill a cavity. I could write a list of problems that are causing the stress that is longer than the constitution of the US. (not kidding) I do not care to discuss my problems with anyone because it is not going to make the problems go away AND no one wants to be friends with someone that talks about their problems. Besides, if I wanted attention for my problems I would go to my-space.
Today I will record what I eat and drink, my activities, ect., and see what is going on. Maybe keeping a journal site (meaning keeping up with this site) of my bad behavior will help me to feel better, look better and be a bit happier. Who knows? Couldn't hurt to try.
Katt
|