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28 Juni 2011

Gewicht:	Bisher verloren:	Still to go:	Diät befolgt:
122,3 kg	31,5 kg	0 kg	Recht gut

Kommentar hinzufügen Verlust von 1,9 kg pro Woche

27 Juni 2011

Gewicht:	Bisher verloren:	Still to go:	Diät befolgt:
122,6 kg	31,2 kg	0 kg	Schlecht

Kommentar hinzufügen Verlust von 2,2 kg pro Woche

25 Juni 2011

Gewicht:	Bisher verloren:	Still to go:	Diät befolgt:
123,2 kg	30,6 kg	0 kg	100%

Kommentar hinzufügen Verlust von 6,4 kg pro Woche

24 Juni 2011

Gewicht:	Bisher verloren:	Still to go:	Diät befolgt:
124,1 kg	29,7 kg	0 kg	Recht gut

Kommentar hinzufügen Verlust von 1,9 kg pro Woche

23 Juni 2011

SO much going on. Not sure what to say of it.

Thinking about getting skates early though (which is cheating not waiting for my goal, but not if I actually use them because that is one more way to exercise) as I put myself on the waiting list for debu-taunts. The minor minor leagues of derby for the fall. We will see. I am nervous because it is a big investment with skates and saftey gear and the last big splurge I did for my bday--my lovely guitar. Umm I havent been practicing. I haven't learned a whole song.

I must say that even though it's only been a few days back into this keeping track of what I eat and getting myself to the gym for a half hour every other day (not a lot in comparison to where I was) it is comforting. Not in the same way a pint of Ben & Jerry's is comforting but comforting in the sameness of something to count on. I can use that kind of comfort. There isn't alot in my life I feel like I can count on. Well, the person I want to be able to count on I havent been able to as I'd like.

Not sure how long many of you have been reading this but if you have been reading for a while you might remember I am in a relationship with a married man. I have been for near enough to 5 years to call it basically that. About a month ago he did a 180 on me and called us on a break because he realized that though his marraige has been broken since before he and I have met he feels he has to give it one last Hoorah of a chance before he can leave her. Basically, for us everything has been the same (besides the first 10 days or so of the break) except I can't count on the things he promised me over the years. The biggest thing is -him leaving her for me- and us having a family.. etc. He is giving this last big try a time limit. He said he will let me know if the marriage is workable on a practical level and he is willing to give up actual romantic love and just being loved for being him and not just being loved for his providing a meal ticket and a place to live (whateverwhateverwhatever not going any further down that path), anyways September is when I will know if everything was for nothing. I am trying not to think about that. I am trying to be brave and keep hoping and hoping and hoping.

Last night I met her. Well she spoke to me. It was like drowning on land. He said I looked like I was expecting to be attacked. I suppose I was because. She would be in the right. Everything I would say to her would just be to hurt her. And make me feel better. Even if I can say it would be for her to know the truth about the things he doesnt tell her the truth about. I am going to stop here. This is not the place. But this is what is happening. And causing a great amount of stress.

The kind of stress you think I would give into my old ways of comfort. And it's not that I am being super healthy I am just limiting myself again in the food department. I still need to regulate what kinds of food I am putting inside me. To do that I need to go shopping. I will this weekend. I promise. Anyways I am down about 4 lbs so far this week. Hoping I will get back to 80 lbs gone sometime near the end of next month. That is a lot to hope for but I know I can do it if I try.

I am just going to keep hoping and keep trying. That is all I can do. That is all that makes sense.

Gewicht:	Bisher verloren:	Still to go:	Diät befolgt:
124,4 kg	29,4 kg	0 kg	Recht gut

Kommentar hinzufügen Verlust von 1,9 kg pro Woche

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