e-238's Notizen

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06 November 2018

I am absolutely mortified by the amount of binge eating i have done over the last 2 weeks. To say that I am dreading getting on the scale is a massive understatement. I canceled my appointment with my med mgt today because I couldn't deal with leaving the house and having him see how much weight i put on since my appointment last month. This time I know it isn't in my head since my husband can see it (although being a sweetheart he understates how bad it is) and because i can feel the extra chins have returned to my neck when i lay down to sleep which is a dead giveaway for me.
I have tried evert day this past week not to shovel anything edible into my mouth but haven't been successful. I will try again and hope that today's the day i can stop.
I know my depression is key in this but this feels like a self fulfilling prophecy because it makes me feel hideous, and that the damage is done, which makes me feel worse so i want to eat more which makes it worse. And the awful thing is that unlike when i usually binge eat now i am freakishly hungry. I eat until i can't and im still hungry afterwards. I feel like an absolute loser with no will power and jyst am a giant fuck up.
There.i said it.
Harsh byt undoubtedly true. I tried so hard to lose the weight and I've piled it back on just like that.

26 Oktober 2018

I'm in the middle of a major depressive episode. And I'm chronically depressed. And despite taking my anti-binge eating meds I've been bingeing. BAdly. I'
m trying really hard to not binge (and it's easier since there isn't a lot left in the house that I would eat LMAO).

I put off weighing myself until today but did it anyway.
I've somehow gone from 193 to 191.

Which feels bizarre because I would swear that I am fatter and bloated. even my neck feels fatter. I genuinely expected to weigh in with about 10 pounds more on me. What is wrong with my eyes/brain that I can't see me as otehr people eyes see me? I, ah, don't know how to fix my brain to tell / see when my body is losing weight.

Anyway. I have managed not to kill myself this week (it's been on my mind almost constantly)but my husband is being supportive, and of course, I know he could handle it, but I don't think he would be able to take care of our cats properly, and I don't know if my best friend would be able to take them for him....and she's the only person in the world I could and would trust with caring for them even though they are all needy, problematic but love babies.
Gewicht: Bisher verloren: Still to go: Diät befolgt:
86,6 kg 21,3 kg 23,1 kg Schlecht
   (2 Kommentare) Verlust von 0,4 kg pro Woche

08 Oktober 2018

Gewicht: Bisher verloren: Still to go: Diät befolgt:
87,5 kg 20,4 kg 24,0 kg Schlecht
   Kommentar hinzufügen konstantes Gewicht

14 September 2018

Gewicht: Bisher verloren: Still to go: Diät befolgt:
87,5 kg 20,4 kg 24,0 kg Recht gut
   Kommentar hinzufügen Verlust von 2,1 kg pro Woche

08 September 2018

Gewicht: Bisher verloren: Still to go: Diät befolgt:
89,4 kg 18,6 kg 25,9 kg Schlecht
   Kommentar hinzufügen Verlust von 0,2 kg pro Woche


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